Post-Travel Angst: Figuring it out…still.

I have not been motivated to write on my blog for awhile. Well, basically since I returned to the US after coming back to Florida after returning from Spain.

I have started a new job, crashed with friends, bought a new car (such an adult now!), and spent time with people I haven’t in months or even years. But still I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have struggled a lot since returning home and I am still trying to pinpoint why I feel so lost and ungrounded.

In theory, I should feel grounded. The key word here is should.

I started a new job; check! I got a new car: check!

I have had adequate family and friend time; check!

Got that big person salary with health benefits; check!

All the boxes are checked and yet I feel lost. I feel like I have not experienced ‘blog-worthy’ experiences since coming back to the States like I had felt when I was in Europe.

What is there to post about? I am back where I always said I would never be again. I am back where I said I did not want to live or work. What could be worth writing about? Am I the only person who feels this way after coming home from abroad or starting a new job in a new place?

I am definitely a ‘glass half full’ person but I really had to take time to examine the positive sides of things because these positives were camouflaged behind the negatives. After some Google searches, I found other travelers have felt the same way. Like this one here or here. Or even how starting over in a place where you want to be can be tough, like Erin Outdoors mentions here.  (Erin Outdoors has an awesome blog by the way; check it out!)

So what I thought was ‘un-bloggable’ is very bloggable and maybe I should write about it to help someone else out, if not at least write out my thoughts so I can help myself. So here we go.

Things in the States are just different. The architecture, culture, food, people, transportation system, etc. The list could go on and on.

I feel like I cannot give travel suggestions in the same way or even showcase the food I eat on a daily basis because well everything has been boring to me. Even going to the supermarket or grabbing a coffee with friends is not as exciting as in Spain.

But before anyone can call me a ‘spoiled millennial’ or ungrateful for my current living situation, I’d say hear me out first.

I am absolutely grateful for my current situation and well aware how lucky I am to have gotten a solid job after taking two years to travel after graduate school. I know this doesn’t happen to everyone.

But I don’t feel the need to defend my current feelings because they are what they are and I am firm believer that it depends on what I do with these feelings that is defining; not the fact that I have these feelings in the first place.

The things that I have been expected to have as a 27-year-old young professional did not make me completely happy (I could have told you that from the start but whatevs) so now I need to figure out what to do.

So the ultimate question becomes: how do I feel fulfilled so that will ultimately lead to happiness again?

This question leads to a slew of other questions though.

Should I be sad and depressed that I am where I am? Maybe, on some days, sure why not. I think it is important to emote whatever you are feeling so you can pinpoint the cause and move toward finding a solution that makes you happy.

How can I keep traveling? Travel makes me happy. It is simple. I live in Florida and many people travel here to get away from cold winters and there are beautiful places to see here, but I was having a hard time finding these places because I have taken them for granted for so long. I thought I wouldn’t be able to travel so often while being back but planning weekend trips or short day trips are actually pretty doable. The trick is that I have to make time to do them.

What is in my control to lessen my sadness? I found I could do more crafts, paint, be more active (because endorphins and stuff), listen to new music, dance more, write more, take day trips, and really do anything that I have been always wanting to do but haven’t done. I tried to focus on things I can control outside of work to recharge and find my new escapes. This is hard but doable as long as I put effort into it, which can be challenging at times.

What makes me happy? There are a lot of things that make me happy and that list keeps growing. However, I feel like I have a better idea of what makes me unhappy than what makes me happy. I am trying to shift my focus on what the pros are for my current situation than the negatives.

Not going to lie, I have had a mini existential crisis. I stayed in my home state for money?! What kind of monster have I become?! I felt like staying in Florida was changing my core beliefs, which is definitely not the case.

Just like I chose to take a job in Florida, I can choose to take a job and live somewhere else in the future but with more professional experience on my resume. It is all about those choices and balancing those pros and cons.

Advertisements

One thought on “Post-Travel Angst: Figuring it out…still.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s